Blue matt screen

Don't you ever feel that you're nearly detached from reality and that the only thing that connects you to it is a blue screen right behind you no matter where you go. This is the same screen that filmmakers use to make the illusion that the foreground is in the same place as the background. They do that by replacing the blue or green color by the background which can be a ship, a playground or a bunch of people that don't really exist with the actor in the same place , space , frame of mind or reality.

You think of yourself as an individual, and that you're actions are all foreground based. Then you change the background and your actions don't make sense anymore.

I was thinking about quiting my job , I have enough money to last me for the next 4 full years, I want to do something satisfying , something that I really want to do for a change , not what looks good against a colorful background. But then i tried putting these thoughts against 3 or 4 backgrounds . Well it didn't look as good as it was with the blue background, and that generated doubts. And I hate myself for that , I always try to pass myself as a person that doesn't care what people think. But that's a major contradiction , people who really don't care , don't try to pass themselves in anyway! But my pathetic approach is that I pass myself in such a way and then try to feed of people's reactions to that thought , hoping to become what I deceived them to believe in the first place.